Trusting Your Intuition, as a People Pleaser
People pleasing; it’s a word that’s been buzzing around like crazy this last year, and I completely relate to it. In my interactions and relationships with others, I fall into this people-pleasing category, as do many of my friends in their 20s. I tend to focus more on how to make others happy, rather than myself, which can have its ups and downs…
The ups: my friends know they can trust and come to me with anything, and I’ve definitely made some great memories committing to things that, at first, I didn’t feel like committing to.
The downs: I often end up putting my own needs aside for the needs of others out of fear of making someone disappointed or angry, and, thus, I have a hard time truly understanding what MY needs and wants even are.
So many factors play into this. For me, it’s largely anxiety-driven; I fear letting the other person down by not doing what THEY want or being available for something THEY need. This can be as simple as, for example, committing to a gathering I don’t really want to go to because someone’s expecting me to. Or it can be as complicated as forcing myself to be emotionally available for another friend’s problems when I’m already emotionally drained from my own issues.
It can be exhausting, constantly feeling pulled in two different directions.
Balancing this people-pleasing side of me has been a work in progress, especially in my post-college life, as I’ve been figuring out what things excite me, the types of people I want to spend my time around, and the type of life I want to be living right now at 24 years old. I’ve had to learn to put boundaries on certain relationships because they were draining my happiness, and I’ve had to push myself to say “no” to things because I knew the “yes” just wasn’t right for me. It’s still a work-in-progress, but I can say that learning how to tune into my intuition and listen to my gut, has been the golden ticket.
Even though, it’s sometimes still difficult to figure out what my intuition is saying to me and let go of my tendency to focus more on the other people in my life vs my inner self.
If you resonate with a lot of what I’m saying, I want to share a little bit of guidance with you (things that Shannon teaches us during Babes Rising workshops) that’s been helping me out a lot —
Take the time to note what qualities you love in others, who in your life fills up your cup and who drains it and why, what activities you truly get energy from doing, and what things just aren’t enjoyable.
Choose an affirmation to work with that feels empowering. Something like: I am learning to trust myself or My intuition is my superpower and I’m trusting in it or What’s best for me is best for every body. Write your affirmation down and remind yourself of it every morning and evening before bed.
Pay attention to your gut feelings, make note of them, and trust them, whether it’s an off feeling or a complete yes, TRUST IT.
Once you have a grasp on these pieces of your intuition, start slowly making more and more decisions with these feelings and thoughts at the forefront. See what starts to unfold in your life!
If your group of friends are pushing you to go to a party on the weekend, but you’re feeling exhausted from the week and are craving a night in, be honest about it.
If you have someone reaching out to you for advice, but you just don’t have the emotional or mental space to really, truly be there for them, let them know where you’re at and that you’ll call them when you can really listen!
There are ways to communicate with others in a gentle and loving way, while also being honest and setting boundaries for yourself. When having these conversations with the people in your life, be gentle and tell them exactly why you’re feeling the way you are, no matter the situation. I’ve found that many of the people who become disappointed with me because of the times I’ve had to say no in order to protect my happiness and needs are the people I have, over time, parted ways with.
These words from one of our blog posts by Shannon Keating are so important in this conversation about intuition and people-pleasing; “You might not have the logical evidence, but your intuitive feelings about any situation or post-college life decision is going to be the most powerful thing for you to lean into. Your intuition is always trying to guide you towards what will fulfill you most, whereas your head can be filled with insecurities/doubts/other people’s thoughts.”
Our intuition is truly such a powerful thing we have, so take the time to discover and understand it so you can use it to start shifting that people pleaser piece of you.
Final reminders:
It can still be a good thing to people-please sometimes in order to be there for the people you love or push yourself out of your comfort zone every now and then, but when something is just completely draining your energy or really feels like a bad idea, this is your feedback to listen!
Your intuition will be your greatest superpower in releasing the downsides of people-pleasing.
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Blog Written by: Isabel Lopez
